Perks of an early bird


5am rolls around inevitably.

“I’m going to make your life miserable, so you might as well listen and do what I say NOW.” My alarm clock is such a bitch in the morning

Alas, I know it speaks the truth so I throw myself begrudgingly from my comforting slumber and do a meet and greet with the 45 degree, college budget heated cold apartment air while it hits my naked body and throws me into anaphylactic shock.  

I scamper to the bathroom and begin to run the shower water on maximum hot while I shiver, wrapping myself in the shower curtain for survival.   When the water reaches a degree higher than my surroundings, I jump in and cuddle with the water like a needy girl would cuddle with a boyfriend.

‘Scrubadubdub in the tubbbbbbbbbbbbbb’

I exercise my tone deaf vocal chords in the morning since society doesn’t really encourage them to be exercised out in public. 

I get out of the shower, take my vitamins, put on lotion and drink my green tea all in the darkness of my room in order to maintain the serenity of the early morning.

‘God Damn I am so on top of my life. Everything is so peaceful and calm.  Yoga is going to be DEEEE-lightful.’

I arrive at yoga 10 minutes early to claim my spot, Godfirbid someone took my spot and my mindset went from a cool colelcted Namaste to BITCH, NOT IN MAH SPOT!

I sit in meditative pose waiting for my classmates to join.We eventually start working out way through sun salutations when I catch my reflection in the mirror.

Usually met with my narcisstic adoration of how beautifully radiant I am in the morning, I was completely caught off guard when that was not the only thing I gawked at. 



Simple horrors of pit stains and other…indecent stains… aside, my perfect morning and literally been flipping inside out. My perfect routine morning of freezing, sweating, walking, caliming had been ruined by my tag being on the outside rather than in. My morning was crushed because of the screen printing hiding on the inside rather than being publicly displayed. 

Needless to say my entire yoga session was ruined.  I couldn’t bare to ruin my groups’  serenity by running out in hysterics at my lack of control over my petty situation, so I carried on like a Warrier.


Don’t dress in the dark.  Namaste, bitches…namaste.


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